Tribal member Justin Byler and his wife, Brooke, always felt drawn to foster care. As busy, working parents to their biological son, they hoped to foster but wondered how they could find time. At a Family Reunion Festival, they ran into staff from FireLodge Children’s Services, who encouraged them to apply.
“We always had it in our hearts to do this and to connect with the Tribe. We knew that Tribal homes were needed, but it never felt like there was a right time. About four years ago, we finally decided we were going to go through the approval process,” Brooke said.
Meeting a need
The couple did not have prior experience with foster care and adoption but were aware that Tribal foster homes were needed.
“That was always the way that we wanted to stay connected to Justin’s heritage and to hopefully provide a home for children that were Potawatomi or even another tribe that wanted to stay connected to their Native American heritage. We made the decision after we had our son, and when he was about three and a half, we were ready to open up our home,” Brooke said.
After they were approved, they quickly had their first placement in late fall. The twin siblings stayed with the family for six months. Currently, the Bylers are caring for Potawatomi children from another state.
“That does show that there is a need, even if there aren’t kids in Oklahoma, there are Tribal children all over the United States that need to be placed with a Tribal family,” Brooke said.
Under an interstate agreement, the Bylers care for the children while the home state manages the case. Case workers travel to Oklahoma to perform visits while the Bylers focus on providing a safe and healthy environment while keeping the children connected to their Potawatomi heritage.
Support from FireLodge
FireLodge staff have been a valuable resource to the Bylers along the way.
“I’ve reached out to (them) several times to say, ‘We’re not sure what to do.’ And they’re always eager to help, provide advice, stop by to check on the kids. There’s so many things from their team that can help,” Brooke said. “Even if you don’t think you have the time, you do get support from the Tribe, whether that be daycare or other resources. I think people are more capable of doing it than they realize.”
Prospective foster parents don’t need special skills, just a willingness to open their homes.
“We thought, ‘We’re going to have to go through so much training, we’re going to have learn all of these different skills.’ The training is important, but they said they already saw we had a loving home, and that’s exactly what they need,” Brooke said. “If your heart is open to it and you’re willing to just love the children and to work with them and take it a day at a time, I really think anybody can do it.”
Justin said the support from FireLodge staff is there even when the placement might not be the best fit.
“If you receive a placement and it’s just not the right fit, it’s okay to acknowledge that. It’s about getting the children out of a tough spot and being what they need you to be in that moment,” he said. “If it builds into forever, fantastic. And if not, you were what they needed in the time that they needed you the most.”
Celebrating culture, cherishing moments
Justin and Brooke are eager to help children establish or strengthen their cultural ties to the Nation. When Justin was in middle school, he began connecting to his Potawatomi heritage.
“We started going to Family Festival every summer and going to the museum. I think it’s so important. I made sure our son was enrolled and I’m excited to do his naming. I just want to make sure that my kids have that opportunity and know who they are, their story and their heritage,” Justin said.
The couple enjoy seeing the children thrive. One child in their care benefited from additional educational support to help her catch up in the classroom.
“The way that she has grown in the last year, even her teachers have said, she has learned to interact with her friends. Seeing her learn and turn into the little person that she is today has been extremely rewarding. Watching her change and grow and feel confident in herself has been such an amazing thing to witness,” Justin said.
The rewards are not limited to Justin and Brooke but also extend to their biological son.
“Watching (children) bond with our son has been wonderful, too. Some people might be nervous if they have biological children. They’re not sure how it will go if they foster children. It has been a joy watching him bond with (foster siblings). He’s all in and he loves them so much and they love him. I know that no matter how this journey ends, they will have a bond that will last a lifetime,” Brooke said. “He’s understanding what they’re going through in their transition, and he really does have great compassion. It’s been a really good growing experience for him too.”
Encouraging families
Justin encourages families to think about fostering.
“It is one of the most rewarding things you could do. It is hard, but it is so fulfilling, not only for us, but for the children as well. If you’re blessed enough to be in a position to even consider doing it, you just have to dive in. It is challenging, but the outcome of those challenges is beautiful, and you get to see these children really blossom.”
Brooke agreed.
“I think a lot of people are nervous to open up their hearts because they don’t want to be heartbroken. You get so attached, but being able to love these kids in the season that they’re in, whether that’s just for now or forever, is so rewarding and it’s so valuable to the kids.
“Sometimes in foster care you’re going to be the bridge for those kids, the bridge to get them where they need to go. And sometimes in the foster care, you might end up being the anchor where they stay forever,” Brooke said.
“Really just being able to set these kids up to be the most successful they can be, is really what we want to provide for them,” Justin said.
For more information about FireLodge Children and Family Services, call 405-275-3121 or visit cpn.news/firelodge or facebook.com/cpnfirelodge.